Childhood and the Extinct Animal

I was in an airport when I saw the sign: there are only about 3,000 tigers left in the world. Actually, the phrasing on the sign was very diplomatic. It read something like, There may be as few as 3,000 tigers left in the world. Even as the tiger sprints toward extinction, it still defies… Continue reading Childhood and the Extinct Animal

The Work of Writing: Week One Update

In case you missed it, I'm embarking on a month-long project of trying a different writing work style every week. If you're a non-writer who's wondering why I'm doing this, STOP READING MY BLOG AND GO BACK TO YOUR FINANCE JOB. Just kidding, I ADORE you. I'm doing this not-so-glamorous experiment because nobody really talks about the pros… Continue reading The Work of Writing: Week One Update

The State of the Union [Video]

CHECK OUT THIS BUSH-LEAGUE MOVIE RIGHT HERE! I MADE IT ALL BY MYSELF! YOU CAN'T HEAR SOME OF IT BECAUSE I WAS ACCIDENTALLY PLAYING SPOTIFY IN THE BACKGROUND! I AM SUPPOSED TO BE DOING SOMETHING ELSE AS WE SPEAK! #recklessyouth #didn'twashmyhair #nopainnogain #SPAM Part of the point of this video (which I accidentally cut… Continue reading The State of the Union [Video]

How to Sulk

Apparently I have an easy life, because something petty happened to me recently and I broke down crying and told my boyfriend I wanted to jump off a bridge. I'm almost too embarrassed to tell you about it, because then you'll think I'm a spoiled, arrogant, delusional fool in need of a reality check. OK,… Continue reading How to Sulk

In Defense of Babies’ Rights

In this day of hyper-stylized political sensitivity and outrage over perceived "income gaps" and "gender inequality," it is truly appalling how willingly society turns a blind eye to the terrible plight of a huge portion of our American population. I refer, of course, to babies. These silent sufferers are objectified, victimized, and discriminated against on… Continue reading In Defense of Babies’ Rights

Suitable Thoughts While Eating Quinoa

1. I am an ancient Aztec!!!!!!!!!! 2. Wait, is quinoa an ancient grain? Or is that farro? 3. I'd Google it, but opening up another tab just makes me want to die of Internet over-exposure, given that I already have open tabs for Gmail, Facebook, screenwriting competitions that I will never apply to because of… Continue reading Suitable Thoughts While Eating Quinoa

Advice from a Younger Sister: On Schoolwork

Dear everybody, welcome to the best part of your day. After much cajoling, bribery, and sheer brute force, I managed to wrangle my younger sister Anna into accepting the much-coveted position of contributing writer for toridotgov. Anna is a) a hilarious genius and b) currently conquering the world as a high school junior in gorgeous… Continue reading Advice from a Younger Sister: On Schoolwork

Today the Sky is Gray: A Compendium of Scientific Theories

1. It is a direct reflection of Freud's "melancholia," from which I am currently suffering, and the grayness is actually emanating from me as I sit here, staring out the Megabus window, driving farther and farther away from a land where coffee is made with care and buses run down literally every street, although they… Continue reading Today the Sky is Gray: A Compendium of Scientific Theories

Minor Horrors

It’s beautiful outside today and I feel misanthropic. I think this has to do with the mounting stress in my life. This is my last week at work and I’m going to California to visit my family and I’m moving and my days are colored with a general sense of upheaval that is not helped… Continue reading Minor Horrors

Intricacies of Divorce

Here's the thing about divorce: it's not just for spouses anymore. Yes, my friends, you can divorce anyone these days. Your boss. Your coworkers. Your dogwalker. Your college professor. The tenuous threads that bind humanity together are growing ever weaker, ever more translucent. One day they will all be snipped. But until then, it's up… Continue reading Intricacies of Divorce