There are usually two ways people respond when I shriek, “THE WORLD IS OBVIOUSLY ENDING, RIGHT?” Some people (my beloved, my close friends) are like “yeah” and then we shiver together over a glass of wine. Others chirp “things are great!” and we stare at each other without saying anything more. If I had any… Continue reading Recommended Readings for Unstable Times
‘Creative’ is a capitalist buzzword. Charlie's Opinions is a column dictated by Charlie, who can be found writing songs based on the Book of Revelation when he's not staggering under the weight of all his opinions.
1. It is a direct reflection of Freud's "melancholia," from which I am currently suffering, and the grayness is actually emanating from me as I sit here, staring out the Megabus window, driving farther and farther away from a land where coffee is made with care and buses run down literally every street, although they… Continue reading Today the Sky is Gray: A Compendium of Scientific Theories
I might be famous one day, if not for my "quirky" prose than for bursting into flames while being tasered by the police because I was huffing gasoline. And if I'm not famous for bursting into flames, I'll definitely be famous by sheer proximity, because I attach myself like a leech to people who seem… Continue reading Enemy of the State
This post was kind of embarrassing to write and makes me sound like a total loser, so you can't judge me, okay? Who are we kidding, you'll judge me. IT'S WHAT WE HUMANS DO. Every time I go online, I am overwhelmed with a constant, low-grade social anxiety. This anxiety stays with me for a… Continue reading The Internet Makes Me Feel Sad
Samuel Beckett: bleak, tragicomic, postmodernist playwright and novelist; sworn enemy of the Creeper Elderly; arguably a Creeper Elderly himself. Working Definition: The Creeper Elderly conducts his or her illicit affairs under a halo of soft, white curls, an adorably stooped back, and a tendency to cup one wizened hand around his or her hearing aid… Continue reading Declassifying the Creeper Elderly