Streamline Your Life for Spring

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Welcome to my small Internet corner of grace and serenity, toridotgovlets. Today’s life lesson involves letting go. Yes, my faithful neophytes–those of you who turn to me every day for the small parcels of immortal wisdom that I dole out like precious jewels or the Turkish delights that Edmund eats in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, which reminds me of two things: first of all, wtf is with that title, who gets away with something like that? It’s so long and clunky and random, I mean, I love it, but wow! And second of all, it is important to always be in touch with your roots–mine are obviously being homeschooled, which is why I can reference works of fantasy so easily, as though I’m buttering a single hyacinth blossom…

I AM SO LOST, WHERE WERE WE?

*chugs cocktail coffee*

Isn’t it weird that WordPress has a strike-out feature? It’s like they anticipated our need for hilariously self-conscious irony. Why would anyone ever need to strike out text if it weren’t for the purpose of making a joke? Like, no one is oging going to proofread their own work online in visible faux-real time (except I just did to be honest with you all/make a point, and now you can see how fast I type, and what horrific typos come with it, good thing I’m the world’s best proofreader when I need to be!).

You know what? Let’s just stop here for the day. I’m exhuasted exhumed Aztec ironic hipster mustache Mason jar Amish churning butter Greek yogurt grocery store butcher Henry VIII gout haggis exhausted.

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