Tired Jokes

Some things just aren’t very funny any more. For example:

  1. Jokes about white people getting artsy/Zen tattoos of Chinese symbol tattoos that actually mean something gross/dirty in Chinese. E.g., Sally thinks she’s getting the symbol for “clarity” tattooed on her thigh, but it actually means “pea soup.”
  2. Jokes about hipsters involving cliché hipster signifiers (handlebar mustaches, bikes). To make a funny joke about hipsters, it has to be reeeeally out there and/or specific. May I remind you of this brilliant quote from my dear friend Joanna?: “I didn’t think he could get any more hipster, but then he drank a Rolling Rock and a man sat on his lap.”
  3. Parodies of hyper, caffeinated women who talk really fast. Caffeine addiction is a real problem. I have an addict friend and let me tell you, it is really hard to witness her struggle. Separate her from her morning coffee and the only one laughing will be her defense lawyer, if you catch my drift.
  4. When rappers say obviously dirty things and follow it with “if you know what I mean.” I’m looking at you, Pitbull. All the women get down, if you know what I mean? YES, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. You foul little man.
  5. When peeps get mad because their internet is slow. EVERYONE’S INTERNET IS SLOW. Note: not technically a joke.
  6. When peeps punch you in the face. It’s like, hellooooo that’s not funny that actually hurt!
  7. Self-conscious costume jewelry. Omg ur such a risk-taker.
  8. Slogans.
  9. Jokes about Twilight being awful. BUT I CAN’T STOP MAKING THEM!
  10. When ppl can’t win the argument so they reference something really obscure and give a tinny little laugh. Ugh.
  11. Reminiscing about inside jokes/good times on Facebook, e.g.: Summer 2011 at the lake house, baby! “Juice” on the beach, tipping cows, SKINNYDIPPING!!!, “egg head” competitions, Jersey Shore marathons, “mixology lessons.” I WILL ALWAYS LUV U cc. Karla Marx, Freddie Chopin, and Gregor “Fuckin’ Cockroach” Samsa!!

Please help me add to this list! After all, is anything really fresh in this day and age? No. There is nothing new under the sun. And if you doubt me, just try ordering something feat. vegetables at any chain restaurant.

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