“Why Hasn’t Anyone Commented on My New Haircut?” and Other Emotionally-Debilitating Questions I’m Asking Myself Today

“Does gray nail polish make my hands look wrinkly?”

“How soon is too soon for anti-aging cream?”

“Should I text someone so everyone on the train knows I have a life?”

“Why must you quote incessantly from my favorite novel?”

“Does everyone see the humor in capslock?”

“What are the early symptoms of schizophrenia?”

Décolletage cream?!”

“Is that a mole or a blood-sucking tick?”

“Is that man coming over here?”

“Why isn’t that cute guy coming over here?”

“Why hasn’t anyone talked to me in months?”

“Why is this room so white and small and where is the door?”

“Does that broken arm hurt very very much?”

“Are the eyes really the windows to the soul’s darkest secrets?”

“Does this body bag look like an oversized tote?”

“Do they still make Grape-Nut O’s?”

[after reading an eHow article on weeding your garden] “Will I ever write like that?”


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