1. My ex-husband. He just vanished through a filmy curtain into the back of his coffee shop. Is he avoiding me? I hear his sweetly deceptive voice berating another employee for something something latte temperature something something oolong tea.
2. The woman sitting alone on the park bench outside my window. Her fashion sense screams, “NEW YORK! NEW YOOOORK! THE SARTORIALIST, BABY!” Is that a plastic bag? Oh, she’s homeless.3. The ancient man sitting at a table nearby and staring at me. If only I were in the market for a new husband…alas, the wound is too fresh.
4. The jaywalking hipster girl. It’s ironic that she’s walking fast because hipsters have nowhere to go in society. Nowhere to go but down.
5. The extremely fat but cute dog walking past the window. I WANT YOU! You speak to my soul! (His owner just tied him to the fence and I’m going to kidnap him after I finish this post.)
6. The young girl shattering gender stereotypes by playing soccer with two boys in the park. TOO BAD SHE SUCKS.
7. The big dog tied up next to the little fat dog. We just made 10 seconds of awwwwwkward eye contact. When I leave this coffee shop, I think he might eat me. There’s no way that leash can hold him, especially not when he has a fat accomplice that can easily chew through it.
8. The old man holding his cane LIKE A CLUB. He’s trying to cross the street at a very inappropriate place. I can’t even tell you–OH NO, DON’T GET HIT BY THAT SEMI! Whew, he’s safe. I think he’s going to beat someone with that cane.
9. The lone airplane, gliding across the sky like a silent bird of prey.
10. I think we all know who the tenth creeper is here.