1. Copy a few pages from Love in the Time of Cholera and slip them in between your own pages.
2. Staple a $100 bill to the last page.
3. Write the entire thing on edible rice paper.
4. Delete the last line. Then delete the second-to-last line. Work your way backwards until you reach the title.
5. Using decorative craft scissors, cut your manuscript into a paper bikini and wear it while dancing to Marilyn Manson’s cover of “You Spin Me Right Round.” As the song ends, light the entire thing on fire (make sure to have a fire extinguisher and a bottle of aloe vera lotion on hand).