Life Updates in Haiku

I take back what I said about hating haiku jokes. They are handy little ways to update all your enemies on what you’ve been up to lately. 17 syllables! Does it get any easier?

Deactivated
my facebook. Fuck that shit. Too
many frenemies and parents.

Last night I wrote one
thousand words in thirty min-
utes. Where’s my book deal.

Lolita made me
love novels again. Short sto-
ries are passe. Oops.

Have anger issues.
Will travel. Love Tupac. Need
money for gin, etc.

That’s my streetwalker
ad, if you were wondering.
Tupac is key = rage.

Literally al-
most killed myself last week with
cookie cake and “cigarettes.”

THAT MEANS HEROIN!
You can buy it at your lo-
cal convenience store.

It says “Ferrero
Rocher” on the packaging.
I need some. Charlie?

Oh wait, Charlie will
never read my blog again.
How will he find it?

How will anyone
find this last bastion of
indominable

Human nature? I’m
off Facebook. That means I’m dead
to the world. OH WELL!

I lied. I still judge
those who write faux-humorous
haikus. Irritants!

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