Things That Are Whack

Who can resist a good bourg-y display of solidarity?

On Sunday, Charlie and I re-watched “Rachel Getting Married”–a movie that blew us away the first time we saw it (um, Anne Hathaway is amazing), but upon second watching revealed itself to be a totally vapid “critique” of Western culture and ideals, coupled with some kind of soulless glorification of the Self as the ultimate God figure or something–um, Charlie put it much better than I can. We were squirming the whole time at the thought that we used to love this movie, and found ourselves inspired–nay, REQUIRED–to write the following list. 


THINGS THAT ARE WHACK:

happiness
having fun
smiles/hugs
friendship
impromptu performative artistic expression
“accepting” people
troubled wealthy families (especially w/ divorced parents)
self-consciously poignant interracial platonic handholding
musicians who “play like nobody’s watching”
moments of general hilarity in which a given individual’s emotional scab is torn away via an off-hand, well-meaning remark, resulting in a moment of solidarity with the only other individual in the room who is privy to the newly opened wound because he or she “knows” the first individual, allowing the two of them to sneak out of the room arm in arm, thus marking their relationship by a profound emotional/empathetic connection
“being there” for people
tambourines
non-traditionally colored wedding cakes
blogs
referring to wine that has a two-word name by one name (e.g. “Pinot”)
saying you’re “awkward!” when you’re not awkward
passing plates piled high with delicious home-cooked food around a table of gregarious family members
extended family
families who welcome people with “open arms”
families that think they’re a particularly special family
sitting around drinking “Pinot” with your theater friends and breaking into a spontaneous singalong of “Let It Be” that, despite its spontenaity, is miraculously captured on your friend’s camera and uploaded to Facebook
FACEBOOK IS WHACK
collecting records
people who “dig” Miles
mimosa brunch specials
organs (the instrument)
being an organ donor
charities/altruism
gardening if you’re under 35
being “young at heart” if you’re over 35
boyfriends/girlfriends
authenticity
“elegant” prose

Basically, the only way not to be whack is to be a) a creeper, b) a homeless person, or c) both. CHECK!

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7 thoughts on “Things That Are Whack

  1. You…are…BRILLIANT. Althought I generally love happiness/cultural awareness/plates piled high with delicious food, and I honestly WANT that life…umm…watching it in a movie just kind of makes me feel judged.Agreed on the Pinot BTW because Pinot not only means Pinot Noir, but Pinot Gris/Grigio, SUCKAZ.

  2. SHELLY! Best title EVER! HAHAHA love it.Heaven, I totally know what you mean. When good things are presented too blatantly, they start to seem super corny and unappealing…if that makes any sense. ❤

  3. i think it's more whack when good things are "eluded to" or "hinted at" in a way that never actually happens. does that make sense? yes, it does.i HATE happiness though. i mean…it's so OUR culture to be happy. it makes me feel physically ill.

  4. Things That Are Whack, Part 2 | tori dot gov

  5. A Home For Baby Rose | Rosie Glow Wellness

You are truly great.

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