Hi there! How are you? Me, I’m great! I’m just driving around in my convertible with the wind in my hair! See this girl in the passenger seat? She’s my best friend! Her skin is a little bit darker than mine! That’s not a tan–she’s ethnic! If you look really closely, you can see that she’s African American, and that makes me a good person! Her hair is perfectly curly and looks touchably soft–that’s called a ‘fro!
Whoa, now I’m on a dock with a large group of people! I have lots of friends! See this guy? He’s blond and terribly handsome, but you can tell he’s not a cliché because his hair is a little bit shaggy in front and he’s wearing green Converse All-Stars! He’s touching the small of my back with his gorgeous, sensual fingers, but we’re just friends! Isn’t it great to be friends with so many beautiful people?
I’m not wearing any makeup! JUST KIDDING–I really am! The secret to looking like me is a highly paid makeup artist and great lighting! JUST KIDDING–it’s simply lots of fresh air and sunshine! Oh and that guy who’s smiling at my African American friend is a MEXICAN! I mean, he’s LATINO! Or is it HISPANIC? Anyway, you can tell he’s from South America, Central America, and/or Spain because he looks a little bit like Gael Garcia Bernal! My friends say I look a little bit like Charlize Theron, but I’m not sure who she is because I’m so busy taking off my shirt to reveal a truly enviable body in a ruffled yellow bikini and diving into the lake! Now I’m in the lake up to my neck and you can see my bare shoulders! Whoa, am I skinny-dipping? Tee-hee, who knows? Aren’t I alluring?
Whoa, we’re all texting each other on our Blackberrys at this adorable hole-in-the-wall bar where we always meet! It’s great to be alive! I’m sending my best friend a text from across the table! TEE-HEE! It says, “Hi Lafawnda!” Isn’t that funny that I just texted her from across the table? Blackberry Messaging is so fun! Another perk of BBM is that I can tell when she reads my text! Lafawnda, why aren’t you responding?
Well, this sucks! Here I am at a pleasantly scuffed-up table looking all adorable and my bff Lafawnda isn’t texting me back! Should I send her another text? OK: “I see you!” HAHA! I’m like a cute stalker who looks really sexy but doesn’t even know it! I don’t realize my tank top is slipping coyly off one shoulder! I don’t realize that when I bend over, laughing warmly, you can see a little bit of cleavage! But the creepy old guy at the bar sure does! Wait–how’d he get in this ad?
Lafawnda still isn’t responding, although I know she got my text! Not only does Blackberry tell me when my texts are read, I SAW HER READ IT! She read it and then she put her phone down and kept right on giggling with our Asian Friend while being flatteringly lit from one side! What a bitc–FLOWERS! PUPPIES!
Whoa, it just felt like my brain was being reprogram–UNICORNS! CUPCAKES!
What was I talking about?
I love my friends! Hi Lafawnda! Ooh, my sexy blond guy friend just texted me on his Blackberry! He says, “Conversations come naturally on BBM.” That’s so cute! So I respond: “Chat with friends in real-time, anytime, on BBM.” I LOVE MY LIFE!