How to Be Delicious

Sometimes, when you’re feeling kind of musty and ill-washed, all you want is for someone to look at you with that unmistakable gleam in his eyes, as though he is a starving native and you are a crackling pig, rotating sensuously on a stick over an open fire. You with me? I knew you would be. Thankfully, I’ve compiled a easy, breezy, beautiful guide to being your most succulent self.

1. Be a tomato.
2. Make sure you are organic and on-the-vine, purchased from a farmer’s market–or, at the very least, Whole Foods. Be exorbitantly priced! You’re only young once.
3. Moisturize both sides of 2 pieces of sourdough bread with butter. Grill or toast till golden brown.
4. Slice thyself. No pain, no gain! Beauty is pain! BEAUTY IS PAIN!
5. Lay yourself in thick slices on one piece of toast. Exfoliate by sprinkling yourself with coarse sea salt and black pepper. Top with the second piece of toast.
6. For an extra-special glow, tone with torn fresh basil.
7. Make one very tired working girl’s day. You delicious thing, you.



  1. Brilliant! Seriously (Not that I would ever lie about brilliance. It is an important and serious matter.)! How did you get to be such a clever writer. I'm jealous (most definitely).


You are truly great.

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